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Keeping Your Identity in Motherhood

Adiyah Bell

Posted on April 24 2019

Keeping Your Identity in Motherhood

Am I the only one that cries at night next to their peacefully sleeping husband? The demands can be overwhelming. You can constantly feel like you’re failing. There never seems to be enough time in the day. You get caught up in the never ending to-do list, get as much done as you can routine, only to pull yourself into bed and cry. Giving all of yourself to everyone else and giving yourself scraps. Slowly losing your identity until you’re only known as your child’s mom or your husband’s wife, but rarely your name. Your dreams have been buried because you are trying to make everybody else’s dream come true. Silent tears that dry up and the cycle repeats tomorrow. Getting so caught up in making lunches and signing homework, kissing your husband good-bye and finding your son’s favorite hoodie because he just HAS to wear it today. Trading in “I” and “me” for “we”, “us”, “and “them”. Feeling guilty if God forbid you don’t do laundry or dishes. Thinking it’s not a good time to start your career or business because the kids need you. That's where I've been lately. I had to have a come to Jesus meeting with myself.

Know this. Your husband will be fine. The kids will be fine. You will be fine. If you change it now. I think part of us likes being needed, but that need comes with a price that we can’t afford to pay anymore. The price of our identity. I fight against the subconscious stigma of my husband saying “I’ll give you a break.” Which translate me to as “this is what you’re supposed to be doing but I’ll help you out”. A break? Maybe, if you did more I wouldn’t need a break. Thinking their doing you a favor when they’re just pouring salt on an already open wound. Motherhood. A daily war of remembering who are, what you like and feeling beautiful against the images of moms who’ve snapped back in 6 weeks. Fighting to stay fit not because you want to look like a celebrity but because you want to feel better. Struggling to find time to actually workout. We begin to lash out subtly to those around us, wondering what’s wrong with us. It’s frustration building up from un-fulfillment. Yes, being a mother is fulfilling, but until you walk into your identity that subtle anger will always peek its head back up in resentment.

Mothers make a monumental sacrifice that no one ever sees but everyone feels they can criticize. So breastfeed, formula feed, get an epidural or have a natural birth. Do whatever makes you feel fulfilled, because you can’t save your family if you don’t put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Being a mom is one of the most fulfilling roles we have, but it’s not all that we are or will be. Don’t forget to fight for you, stand up for you, pray for you, dream for you, and love you. Explore. Experiment. Try. Fail. Succeed. Do it all. I could write out a 5 step plan, but we don’t need any more plans, schedules, or itineraries we need to just do. Start today.  You are more than a mom, you are a superhero, who has a purpose and destiny to change lives. Starting with your kids, but not ending with them.

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